Computer science professor and father of three, Randy Pausch, when diagnosed with an incurable pancreatic cancer, delivered his now famous “Last Lecture” at Carnegie Mellon University. His main points were:
- Always Have Fun
- Dream Big
- Ask for What You Want
- Dare to Take a Risk
- Look for the Best in Everybody
- Make Time for What Matters
- Let Kids Be Themselves
Like many others, I watched this Last Lecture – on You Tube. Some people saw him on The Oprah Winfrey Show. What he had to say was not rocket science and yet so often I think we forget to do some of the things on his list. I cried when I watched him speak – I cannot begin to understand what it is like to be facing death, knowing it’s coming and soon; knowing you won’t see your kids grow up, that you won’t grow into old age with your spouse by your side. It was heart-wrenching yet so very uplifting. I thought about his points.
- Always Have Fun – Is this really possible? Well, yes, most of the time. My family will tell you that I don’t let too many opportunities for jokes go by. Little witty comments fly out of my mouth before I even realize at times that they are ‘out there’. Then there are obvious fun times. Playing games with your kids, going on vacations, goofing off just because, laughing at television shows. But then there are times when a little light-heartedness will do us all some good. It can turn the mundane into something enjoyable; make a boring assignment easier to get through; make a long drive pass by a lot more quickly. If something isn’t fun and you don’t have to do it then don’t. Or find a way to make it fun. Smiles are much more satisfying than frowns or blank faces.
Dream Big – I think we all did this as kids. My kids do it. My son talks of playing college sports and maybe professional sports. We let him dream – you can’t get there if you don’t dream big. Maybe he won’t get there. Maybe he will. Our job is to encourage the big dreams while making sure there’s a back up plan by ensuring academics are a focus, by fostering an interest in other things if that pro contract doesn’t pan out. My daughter wants to own her own store and be a cheerleader and a dancer and a mom. Possible? Sure. Easy? Not necessarily. I’m guessing her dreams may get bigger as she gets older. Dreams are good. They provide goals for us to reach. Sometimes we find ourselves right where we want to be somewhere in the middle of reaching for that dream. We shouldn’t stop dreaming as adults. If there are things we want to accomplish, places we want to go, then dream on and in the process work towards getting there.
Ask for What You Want – This is a big one. So often I’ve said to my kids “ask for what you want, the worst that can happen is we’ll say no”. You certainly aren’t going to get what you want if you don’t ask. And even if you’re told ‘no’ at one point, you might get a ‘yes’ later. If you want that promotion, an new job opportunity/role, that cool new game, a date with the girl next door, to dance with the boy you’ve had a crush on since grade school – ask for it. Don’t settle. If you settle you may be sorry later, you may regret the opportunity that you missed. Ask for what you want, people can’t read your mind.
Dare to Take a Risk – This can be hard. Putting yourself out there and trying something when you aren’t sure how it will turn out. Try out for the school play. Ask that girl to dance. Challenge yourself by moving outside of your comfort zone whether that is taking on greater responsibilities at work, forging into a brand new career, moving to a new city, traveling to far away lands, say ‘yes’ to new and exciting things when you know it’s safer to say ‘no’ or ‘maybe later’. There’s a lot of fun to be had out there when you dare to take a risk. A lot of opportunity to live life more fully.
Look for the Best in Everybody – This is a hard one for me. When someone is rude to me or others I don’t look for the best, I hone in on the rudeness. When I’ve been let down or disappointed by someone or something I do not look at the situation with an optimistic or forgiving eye. This is something I need to work on. I do, though, look for the best in my kids and those that I love so it is possible. I need to find a way to extend that out to other groups with whom I associate or interact. We forgive those we love much more easily than those we barely know. It’s not such a giant leap to extend that out to the customer service rep on the phone who isn’t doing a very good job of helping you with your problem or to the neighbor who is not so warm and inviting on a given day. We all have our pluses and minuses and it’s easy to hone in on those negatives but when we focus on the good, the positive it makes us feel a whole lot better. Sometimes it takes being the bigger person, being able to say “I’m going to let that go” rather than dwell on it but in the end you’ll feel better that you did.
Make Time for What Matters – Stop and smell the roses. What you want and what matters may not be the same thing sometimes. You may want to watch the big game on TV but your child wants to play catch or ride bikes with you. Recognize that one day he or she will be asking for the car keys to leave you and be with other people rather than wanting to find things to do with you. For me, family matters. Friends matter. Nature matters. Dogs matter. Health, fun, curiosity, laughter, education and travel all matter. Love matters. I try to find time for all of these and I often find I am experiencing many at the same time. Sometimes you can find time for what matters even when you think you can’t. You may need to be creative and flexible but you can make the time.
Let Kids Be Themselves – We want our kids to grow up so fast then lament about how fast they are growing up. We track their every move. First step, first word, first solid foods, first haircut, first tooth. Baby books are filled with memories of these “accomplishments”. We try to micromanage who they are and how they should behave. We schedule them to the point where there is no time to just “be.” We often think that every moment has to be filled or we’re not doing our jobs as parents. I don’t think so. Kids need as much if not more downtime as we adults. When they are ten they are going to do and say ten-year-old things. We may not always like what those things are but they are, after all, just kids. We can coach them, usher them into adulthood by helping them mature and become more responsible with each passing year but let’s let them be kids while they can be. Let’s not box them into some ideal that we want them to be well before their time. They are supposed to be silly and immature and conflicted and happy, sad and everything in-between. It’s a great time in their lives, let’s not steal it from them.
It’s not always easy to do the things that Randy suggests. It takes pulling from your values to get there: courage, optimism, self-sacrifice, love, compassion, responsibility, self-confidence, leadership and more. You’ve got to recognize what it takes to get there not just where you want to be. Your values are what will drive where you end up.
What do these topics mean to you? What values do you think must be practiced to realize them?
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