A List of Thanks

Deborah Norville wrote, Thank You Power: Making the Science of Gratitude Work for You. “Even when bombarded with life-shaking events, we can find something for which to be thankful”, says Norville. “It helps to focus on the forces that go right instead of the other kind. Making lists of stuff for which to be thankful helps.”

As we approach Thanksgiving it seemed appropriate to write about being grateful. I decided to make a list of stuff, as Deborah Norville suggested, for which I am thankful.

1. My husband and children – they bring me much happiness, love and laughter.
2. My dog – she never fails to greet me in her own doggy way.
3. My health – not all is ideal (oh the aging process!) but overall I feel quite fortunate for my good health.
4. My friends – whether near or far, old or new, true friends are there for you – sometimes in reality, sometimes in spirit – and that support system is invaluable.
5. Other family – my parents, siblings, in-laws, other relatives – family, which needn’t be only defined by genetics or the law, is awesome.
6. Choice – the freedom of choice - to have choices – politically, spiritually, socially, personally, professionally – is a freedom we should remember to be grateful for.
7. Work – being productive, whether you are paid for it or not, is rewarding and enriching.
8. Our world – beaches, big bustling cities, small towns, foreign lands – not all is ‘right’ in the world but I am very thankful for what great beauty and interesting places there are for us to explore and experience.
9. Comedy – having levity in your life makes it that much more fun. I am thankful for the people and the things that make me laugh.
10. Life – just to be here is a gift and I am thankful for every moment

What three (or more) “things” are you most thankful for today? Why?

Caring for Animals - A Core Value

In Forbes, David Whelan tells about spine surgeon, medical instrument inventor, aggressive patent protector, billionaire and philanthropist, Gary Michelson. Michelson really cares about animals and is investing in science to reduce the number killed by animal shelters and those lost from their owners. In his tough childhood, his dog was a source of comfort. His caring for animals is a core value for him.

I am glad there are people like David Whelan in our world; people who have the means to do more than most of us can and are giving to causes that are important to them, that help those who cannot help themselves. Clearly animals are dependent upon us humans, in one way or another, for their well-being. Not all humans do such a great job at caring for or respecting the lives or these wonderful creatures. Many, however, do. I love animals. Maybe not all animals – snakes, for example really give me the heebie jeebies – but I do find just about all, if not all, animals fascinating and interesting and many I fight outright lovable.

I’ve had pets ever since I was about 4. After seeing 101 Dalmatians I just had to have my very own Dalmatian. One day at a pet shop (which were common then, not so much now and I know they are not good places to get pets) I saw a black and white toy fox terrier in its kennel and I announced, “Look! A baby Dalmatian!” My mother jumped on the opportunity and bought us the dog. She was not on board with what she thought would have been a dog that was too big and perhaps not great with children. I suppose I loved that dog so much that I never asked where her spots were or why she didn’t grow to the size Pongo or Perdita were in the movie. From then on we always had dogs. And other pets – cats, a rabbit and a horse.

Most of the animals I grew up with were strays. We lived out in the country on a gravel road with farms and houses on many acres that were mostly not within view of our road– a great place for unwanted pets to be dropped off by uncaring, cruel people who no longer wanted them or could no longer care for them. There was a pregnant cat who had three kittens and a pregnant dog who had three pups. At one time I believe we had 7 or 8 dogs and 5 or 6 cats at the same time. Crazy, I know, but at least we had the property to allow them all to run around quite freely. We were able to give them a good life. Every time we took in a stray we intended to find it a home but we became almost instantly attached to the animals and we couldn’t part from them. They brought us joy, laughter, love and heartache. The emotions I felt towards those pets were as real and as strong as any I’ve ever had. They were my friends, they were my family, they were loves of my life.

Caring about animals is absolutely a core value of mine. I donate regularly to several animal organizations and sporadically to others when I am able. I’ve picked up dogs running loose and helped them find their way home. My husband and I actually witnessed someone drop off a dog on my parents’ road when leaving their house one day after a visit. We were able to get the dog into our car, arrange for its veterinary care and found it a home. I cannot pass by a dog without giving it a little attention (I ask, of course, if I am a stranger to the dog). I’m clearly a dog lover but I care about wildlife as well. It’s their Earth too. And they were here first. We need to be mindful of all creatures as we develop our world, as we do things that can harm their habitats. These creatures are innocent, natural beings. They have no power over us humans but we have great power over them. We have a responsibility to not abuse that power, to not do harm to them.

I need little motivation to practice caring for animals. It’s deep within me. Every kiss and snuggle from my dog helps ensures it stays that way. Every time I watch a Nature show on PBS or witness the awesome footage in the Planet Earth series I am further certain I will continue to support and care about animals. They have given me, I think, a greater capacity to care and love and laugh than I would have had otherwise. And for all they have given and will continue to give to me I owe them as much as I can give back.

Is caring about animals a core value for you? What motivates the practice of this value?

Civility: The Way Citizens Practice Constructive Relationships

Civility: The Way Citizens Practice Constructive Relationships

• Why do some of us toss our trash wherever it suits us?
• Why do some of us not share the sidewalk or hall with those we pass?
• Why do some of us think that playing our music at top volume is our personal privilege?

Civility is a big issue for me. I think we’re less civil than we used to be. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve become such a “me” culture that we have decided that me, myself and I are the only people that matter or if there’s more to it. I think there are various reasons as to why we have become less civil. Here are some civility issues I’d like to see improved upon:

1) Minimizing cell phone use in public places. If absolutely necessary to carry on a cell phone conversation in these places, the civil thing to do would be to keep the conversation brief, keep your voice down and/or move to a location where there are no or few other people so as to respect the personal space of others. Most people do not want to be forced to listen someone else’s conversation. Don’t make them.

2) Holding the door for others. It’s civil and polite. Take a moment to look behind you as you walk through a door and if someone is there or close behind you hold it open until the door can be relinquished to the person who follows.

3) When you see someone who could use a little extra help, offer it. Don’t stand by and watch someone struggle – be it a mother with a stroller, an elderly person with groceries, anyone who may have their hands full then drops something, a child who can’t reach something – take the few seconds to ease someone else’s load.

4) Have patience. At some point in time everyone is new to a job. You may be in a hurry but surely the new cashier isn’t intentionally moving slowly. The student driver may be a little nervous; it won’t help to beep your horn. Technological breakdowns in stores, offices, schools will happen – taking your frustration out on an innocent by-stander does nothing but make that person’s day worse and does nothing to remedy the actual problem. We live in a busy, crowded world, being impatient isn’t going to change that and isn’t going to make your or anyone else’s day more pleasant.

5) Respect other people’s time and space. Don’t make people wait but if you must, call or provide an update as to your status. Don’t think that everyone wants to hear your conversation, your fun ring tone, your music or anything else that may emanate from you, your car or your residence. We all live together in communities and move about in the same space, however, this is shared space, don’t act like you own it or that you rule over it.

The way in which I try to practice civility goes back to what my parents taught me – treat others as you would like to be treated. It is really excellent advice. We all know what we like and don’t like so how easy would it be to make sure that we ourselves avoid doing any of those things that we personally do not like? Very easy. I also try to do things that are simply polite which are also expressions of civility. I offer a smile to those I pass on the street, in the grocery store aisle or whenever eye contact is made. I use good manners. I say please and thank you. I hold doors for others. When I have a large amount of groceries on the conveyor belt and someone behind me walks up with one item to purchase I offer for them to check out before me. I am mindful of others not just myself. I try to remember that what I do may affect others and I think about whether those effects are civil and respectful.

I think we have become too focused on ourselves and when you do that it’s very easy to see uncivil actions come out. When you operate in a “me vacuum” and disregard others as you move about your world you are not adding to your community in a positive way; you are not setting an example to be followed. In fact, you may be perpetuating uncivil behavior.

How do you practice civility? How can you be more civil?