Is Patience a Value?

The rate of change in our lives has accelerated. Mass media make us instantly aware of happenings everywhere. We switch channels whenever we lose interest. TV programs solve problems in less than an hour. Commercials make us impatient to access new products. Computers allow us to access data and perform functions in a fraction of the time once required. The “quick fix” is our way of life.

We live in a world where we are often instantly gratified and as such are raising kids who believe that “instant gratification” is the norm. I believe this will lead them to experience more disappointment as a result. I myself am not a patient person. When I’ve made up my mind about something I want to take action right away. I want to see results quickly. This, I recognize, as a flaw. It takes time to do things right. It takes time to see the fruits of your labors. There are not really that many overnight success stories and those that seem like it we often come to find out were not.

Being impatient sometimes causes me to feel:
- stressed
- anxious
- angry
- frustrated

And as a result it can make others feel:
- uncomfortable
- ‘in the way’ or a burden to you
- frustrated
- angry
- inadequate or ‘dumb’

I do not want to feel any of the above and even more so do not want to make others feel that way. I cannot expect others to work or move at the same pace that I do. I can expect reasonable response times but I also have to recognize that there are things that result in delays that are beyond anyone’s control. These are things I know and yet I am still impatient. I have to work very hard to find patience – whether with my kids when they are moving at a snail’s pace when I’ve made some sort of request of them or with traffic or the grocery store line or the many procedures, customs and routines I come across in daily life that I often find unnecessarily cumbersome or lengthy but that are meant to be followed to provide order and a logical easy-to-understand process for ‘getting things done’.

Here’s another thing – you miss a lot when you’re impatient. When you don’t “stop to smell the roses” there is much to be missed. We often look at life, at our days as big checklists of things to do. To be sure, there is a lot that must be done in a given day but we can find ways to think about these things more as experiences than demands upon us. Rushing our kids to finish up dinner and not talk so much means we may miss out on an important event that happened to them that day at school. Hurrying through our lives and always looking towards “what’s next” is no way to live.

Once on vacation in Arizona we were hiking on a trail in a canyon. It was very nice and pretty but I felt like I had seen enough and wanted to move on to the next trail. My kids thought they heard water and were thinking there must be a waterfall. I think I responded with something to the effect that we were in a super dry area where cactus thrive so how could there be a waterfall. Instead of encouraging their curiosity I was trying to squash it. Fortunately my husband was not in the hurry that I was and suggested we veer off the trail to explore a little bit to see what we’d find. I went, reluctantly, still impatient to get to the next trail but sure enough we found the waterfall and pretty rock formations and the kids were delighted. There I was wanting to move on and see more of the park we were in and had the others let my impatience win out we would have missed the waterfall and I would have missed seeing the excitement and delight on my kids’ faces when they discovered what they thought they heard. It reminded me that I needed to slow down. That there is good stuff, memorable experiences that can be missed when you rush and are impatient. And not only might I miss things, I could be causing others to miss things and I don’t want to be responsible for that.

I have gotten better but I’m still impatient. I have to dig deep on the everyday stuff and have learned to “let it go” a lot. It makes a difference – I am less tense when I am patient as are those around me. Being impatient has no positive impact. Not one. Knowing that doesn’t automatically fix my tendency to be so but at least I recognize that and as such try to keep it at bay. It’s a never-ending battle for me but I have seen the rewards and that drives me to keep at it.

If patience is a value, how might your impatience impact your life?